water pipes

Is Drinking Bong Water A Good Idea?

Wednesday, 25 November 2015

So it’s been a long night of handing out with friends and watching kick-ass movies from your childhood. You’re about to pop in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (the original, not the slap-dash piece of junk made recently) when your buddy taps you on the shoulder to pass you the bong. You pop in the movie and look in the bowl only to realize that it’s ash and in dire need of replacing if you’re to enjoy it. You go to fill it up and find out something horrible: you have no more herbs left. You’ve run through your entire supply and now you’re totally out. You panic, looking around your pad to find any scraps that you might have hidden from yourself for just such an occasion and you find nothing. You’re totally tapped out. As you stare into your bong with despair, you come up with an idea that seems like genius: why not drink the bong water? Is drinking bong water a good idea? You look around the room and everyone seems to have figured out what you were thinking. Luckily, this night you’ve been hanging out with some really thoughtful and intelligent people, and here’s what your friends ask you:

When Was The Last Time You Cleaned It?

The chances that the answer to this is “earlier today!” is really slim. What this means is that your bong has had stagnant water in it for a while, which is a great environment for bacteria and mold to grow in. There is a reason we as a civilization have taken the time we have to make sure that everyone has access to clean drinking water and that’s because having gross, unclean water makes people pretty damn sick.

Isn’t What’s In It Bad For You?

Yes. Even if you did clean out your bong recently, what you’re essentially drinking is smoke water. Smoke, if you didn’t already know, is bad for you even if you make it into a smoothie of sorts. Basically you’re just drinking ash, tar, and other carcinogenic byproducts that didn’t make it to your body in the first place. There’s no need to drink it because it will only do more harm than good.

That’s Going To Taste Horrible!

Yes, yes it will. There are no flavors in that water that will translate into a delicious flavor experience the likes of which Frutopia would be jealous of. No, instead what you’ll find in there are flavors that will very totally answer the question: what does the water in that stagnant pond on the side of the highway taste like? The flavor will be enough to make you instantly regret your decision, but compiled with the previous 2 points, you’ll likely only end up vomiting. Even your body knows it’s bad for you as the first reaction it has to it is to eject it from you as soon as possible.

So you put the bong down and just watch the movie. You regret not having any herbs left, but the night didn’t end with you projectile vomiting while 80’s synth pop played in the background, so we can consider this a win.